"My Life before going to BRC was nothing short of a nightmare. In a constant war with myself and everybody around me, to keep my drug use afloat; doing anything and everything to destroy ALL that I loved and keep my addiction alive and well. From living on the streets, prostituting my body, to jails, to psych wards, to overdoses and then eventually another treatment center where I would start this vicious cycle over again. Anything of any value was "mine" in my eyes, and I felt no remorse over taking it. The worst part through all of that though, I wasn't the only one who was suffering from the consequences of my actions. In 2012, I brought a beautiful baby girl into this world, but she was still not enough for me to stay off of the drugs. Through the next 5 years, I dragged her innocent, precious self through the gates of Hell and back with me. She desperately needed her mommy and I needed the needle. That perfect little human being that I cherished would ride with me to cop drugs in the middle of the ghetto to meet some man with no name and a gun in his waistband, but I didn't think twice.The sweet little girl who only wanted her mommy's attention would bang on the bathroom door while I needed to hit a vein, only to hear the wrath of an angry drug addict. The princess with the adventurous mind and body who only wanted to play, had to deal with my rollercoaster of emotions and listen to excuse after excuse why I wasn't her "friend" that day. A child taking care of her mother, who is "dying" on the couch from withdrawals. Never-mind all the times I've been physically absent from my daughter's life and my family having to pick up the pieces of my wreckage and comfort her over and over again, telling her "Mommy will be back soon". Assuring her this, unsure if it'll ever come true. I apologize for the "ugly" details, but that's the sad reality of this "ugly" disease. In 2017, I was introduced to the 12 steps and found the solution. I had left my miserable life in New York and caught a flight to Texas. I committed to a 3 month stay at Bringing Real Change in Manor, Texas. From there I did close to 5 months of Sober Living in a house with fellow BRC graduates. While in Sober Living, I obtained a job and attended 12 step meetings regularly. I began living like a normal citizen of society, for the first time in years. Today, I can honestly say I am a grateful recovering addict. Through working the 12 steps, I have found my Higher Power, and through my Higher Power, I've found purpose in my life. Today I am not just a dead-beat junkie with nothing to offer. I don't hate myself anymore and can stand to look at myself in the mirror. I don't hope to die when I lay my head down at night, like I would in the past. My daughter has a chance at a normal life with a healthy, loving mother; the mother I know I can be. I am one of the very few lucky one's given this second chance at life, and I will not take it for granted. My plans for the future are still up in the air, I do know one thing for sure though, I will not allow my past experience go to waste. I will help spread the message to other addicts that there is a solution. The promises they talk about in the Big Book (12 steps) are coming true for me, in my life, and the greatest "high" for me today, is seeing them come true for others. LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL. I want to end this with a line off of Page 50, of the Big Book;
"We missed the reality and the beauty of the forest because we were diverted by the ugliness of some of it's trees."